I have never been a fan of scary movies but I have always been a fan of shows like Law and Order, CSI, and Criminal Minds. Lately Hulu.com has become one of my new friends. I started watching Criminal Minds the other day, and 2 episodes and 2 hours later I realized I have not showered and I have not even been outside. I heard Darla whimpering so I decided to cave in and take her on a run so we could both get some fresh air. Now I am not sure if any of you watch Criminal Minds but it’s a show about the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU). The team's focus is on serial killers, but they tend to concentrate more on the criminal and not the crime itself. Let’s just say the show is intense.
I grab my keys to lock the door and let Darla out. So Darla and I start off on our walk, we both have done this walk a lot so we both know the drill; she heads to the right and we walk from there. If she doesn’t go in the street I keep her off the leash. We go on our walk and everything’s fine. We do our normal sprints at the end of the run which is more or less me sprinting for like 3 seconds and her shooting past me. Then I turn around like, I am going to run fast again, and she sprints past me again. I have to say my sprints are getting longer though.
I see another big dog coming down the street and that’s when I decide its time to head home. I call Darla and like a good puppy she comes running, probably because she was as thirsty as I was. I come around the corner to see my house and there’s a white painter van and trailer in front of my house that wasn’t there before.
I will be honest, my first thought was, “That van is dirty”. My second thought was, “Holy cow there is a serial killer in my house who is acting like a painter”. My third thought was, “Crap I didn’t lock the door”.
I look around to see if I can see a neighbor that I could give that, “Please help me look too in case something happens”. I don’t see anyone; I then have this conversation in my head.
“Kennedy stop being stupid, no one is in the house.”
“Some people who have painter trucks are really painters.”
“At least I have Darla in case something happens, maybe she will save me and then she could get on TV as the Dog that saved the girl from the (SPK) Serial Painter Killer.”
I get to the door and walk inside. I say, “Hello”. No one answers back. I tell myself to stop being silly and just walk around the house and make sure. I acted calm and collected having Darla by my side going into each room and basically saying “clear” like they do on TV.
I last looked in my roommate Jenna’s room when I hear a knock on the door which basically makes me pee in my pants like I did when I was a little kid playing baseball and was up to bat for the first time. Okay, I didn’t actually pee in my pants today but the knock on the door did get my heart pumping again. I go to the door and Darla is barking which is weird because the dog doesn’t usually bark. I look through the door and see the “painter”. I thought to myself, no way is he going to take me hostage right at my door step. I take a moment and then open the door. The conversation goes as follows.
Him - “Hello, How are you doing today?”
Me – (hum, maybe he’s not a painter) “Fine, how are you?”
Him – “What’s your name?”
Me – (Why do you want to know?) “KC” (that’s what I tell people when they ask me at the door because it’s not really lying but its not giving the whole truth)
Him – “Well KC, have you found Jesus?”
Me – (So I have been waiting for someone to say this to me ever since the movie New In Town came out. I wanted to say and I quote this from the movie “I didn’t know he was missing”, that’s not what came out) “Yea we are tight” (I think we were both taken back from this answer)
Him – “Well that’s great. I am from the Loomis United Church of Christ inviting you to come to one of our services”
Me- “Thanks, I have been there”
Him – “Oh that’s great, I hope to see you there on Sunday”
Me – “Ok” (I didn’t have the heart to tell him I go to St. Peter & Paul)
So it ends up there was no serial killer in my house that was disguised as a painter. The moral of this story is don’t watch Criminal Minds and then leave your house unlocked with an unmarked white van in front of the house. The end.
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